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A Holiday Fable

‘Twas the day after Christmas, when all through the mall,
Every shopping creature was stirring in a big free-for-all.

The sale banners were hung in the windows with twine,
In hopes that black ink would show up on the bottom line.
The merchants were hunkered down like well-tailored elves,
West Coast dock slowdowns having bared all their shelves.

Warren_saleCheap gasoline gave the season a boost,
Proving to be many a retailer’s surprise golden goose.
Walmart trotted out Kelly & Michael clones in their TV attack,
Having decided the entire season could now be called Black.

Target did its usual mix of cheap and chic kerfuffle,
Trying to forget the ghosts of breaches and Steinhafel.
Macy’s ran a record number of one-day sales with flair,
Doing enough business to never muss up Terry’s hair.

Sears and Kmart were largely invisible,
Eddie’s vision rapidly becoming a sinking dirigible.
Mike Jeffries & Dov Charney were two December casualties,
Undone by H&M, Zara & all the other fast-fashion casual Ts.

Radio Shack watched as the clock wound down tic by tic,
It couldn’t be saved by a bizarrely retro Weird Al Yankovic.
Kohl’s tried kash and koupons in every denomination,
Making sense of them caused customer consternation.

And Amazon finally opened an in-town warehouse sorter,
Promising deliveries even before a shopper places the order.
Best Buy had all its consumer electronics at the ready,
Hoping not to go the way of Circuit City and Crazy Eddie.

Luxury brands kept their stores all orderly and neat,
Waiting for those big bonuses to come in from Wall Street.
JCPenney was still suffering from its Ron Johnson hangover,
Though the trouble was still too much merchandise holdover.

But no matter the channel, the site or the store,
The customer would only respond to more and more.
Now 10 percent off, 20 or even 30,
It took 40 or 50 for shoppers to get down and dirty.

In fact, only one store was sale-less and unflappable,
It bore the image of a fruit, of course, it was Apple.
So the endless sales and promos from very far to quite near,
Promised to stretch through well into the New Year.

It’s just how business is done in retailing these days,
Sadly, executives and customers are no longer fazed.
And longing for the good old days is just a wasted gesture,
Trying to do it any other way is meaningless conjecture.

So as the season ends and the stores turn out the light,
We wish you Happy New Year, it was one hell of a fight.

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